Five Reasons to Love Louise Linton

The New Poster Girl for White Privilege

Louise Linton DeplanesHoly Cow! Steve Mnuchin’s new Mrs. hashtags her entire wardrobe as she gets off an Air Force plane. Then, when the social media universe takes exception, she unloads in a snarky ‘bless-her-heart-but-ain’t-she-cute’ rant against a young mother of three for not being privileged enough to pay more in taxes than most people make in a year. She is so deliciously out of touch with reality that I am making her my new fantasy girlfriend. (Apologies to Kelly Rippa. It was bound to happen sometime, Sweetie.)

Five Things to Know

Here are the basics of Linton’s life to date. She’s doing pretty well for herself as you can see. I don’t know how much she’s actually sacrificed to get where she is. Not as much as she thinks, but also, probably more than we mere mortals imagine.

I will not call her a ‘gold digger’ because I don’t know all her circumstances. I will point out that people who marry for money usually earn it. Take a close look at Mnuchin’s face and estimate it’s value against a community property stake in $500 Million. I don’t know if there is a pre-nup. It’s a good bet though. You be the judge.

… and Five Things to Love

  1. Okay, she’s kinda hot. Not a true stunner, but pretty close. Obviously, she makes the trophy wife cut, if only just. She’s probably as good as somebody like Mnuchin is going to do until he banks at least another quarter billion. Those of you who read me with any regularity may remember that I am using the Law of Attraction to accumulate $749 million. I am about $300 closer when last I wrote about it a few years ago. By the time I reach my goal, I will be so old and so decrepit that even that amount of bank will not be enough to attract someone as attractive as Louise Linton. This is why I trade in fantasy girlfriends rather than trophy girlfriends. It all works out okay in the end since my wife doesn’t actually approve of me dating.
  2. She wrote a book and self-published it. Well … someone else wrote it for her and she had to take it down from Amazon because – blatant fabrications. Still. I wrote a book and self published it as well. Neither her book nor mine is factual, but I had the good sense to call mine fiction whereas Louise called hers true. The people of Zambia beg to differ. They found it offensive. The point is we both like to make stuff up. It’s always good to have something existential in common with the object of your affections.
  3. She understands economic concepts like the progressive income tax better than Donald Trump. Not at all, but still better than Trump. Since her husband is Secretary of the Treasury, she doesn’t really need to know anything. Steve has it covered for her. The thing to love here is that she is not wasting any time studying or trying to grasp difficult concepts. She is free to focus on the things that really matter: designer clothing, trending hashtags, and pontificating opinions that have not been fact checked.
  4. Scottish accent. I’ve never heard her speak, but I’m imagining the sonorous equivalent of a 21 year old Balvenie Portwood whiskey. The kind of thing you could listen to all night long, even if it never makes any sense.
  5. World traveler. There are loads of pictures of Louise Linton in exotic locales. Mostly these photos focus on her exotic clothes rather than the place she is visiting, but you have to think that some little bit of the surroundings will rub off on her and improve her spirit. She and I do have our last trips in common: short hops to Kentucky. If I had a picture of my return, you would see me getting off a Delta Airlines flight looking weary from having been stuffed into the virtual cargo hold like a sardine. The caption would read: Great #daytrip to #Kentucky. Lost a bundle at #Keeneland. #haines, #fruitoftheloom, #russell, #crocs

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