The Six Dollar Man

Yes. I know it’s disgusting … but also interesting, don’t you think? This is the exterior view where a piece of titanium surgical mesh is poking through the skin over the bridge of my nose. It’s not as painful as it looks … except when it is.

Mo’ Betta Surgery

Looks like I’m headed back to the University of Miami Hospital to get some of the bone graft work they did on my forehead back in 2012 redone. The titanium surgical mesh has come adrift, probably due to some osteoradionecrosis, and needs to be removed and possibly replaced.

Osteoradionecrosis is a gradual death of bone tissue caused by radiation treatments. Doesn’t always happen. Doesn’t usually happen this late in the game, but my case has been an unusual one from the beginning. I am lucky to still be walking around and making trouble for people, so I try not to grouse too much.

In any event the surgeons are going to have to peel off my face once again to get at the affected areas. Fortunately they won’t be chiseling away any cancer this time around, but it’s still not shaping up to be a lot of fun for yours truly. Surgery will probably be in January. I now have appointments in November to get another opinion, discuss options, and schedule the procedure.

I’ve been a long time getting to the bottom of this. The crater first developed back in February, but there was no hole and no hardware poking through. That came in August. I finally went to visit the original surgeons yesterday and they put the scope up my schnoz to reveal the screw hanging in the air inside. I thought that was about the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, not the least because it took me completely by surprise. My wife said she’s always thought I had a screw loose … so not a big shock to her.

The view from inside via endoscopic imaging. Steve Austin I am not. Inflation notwithstanding, I am available at a steep, steep discount from six million.

Best solution at this point seems to be to redo the original surgery in order to remove the hardware, stabilize the graft and possibly add some more bone chips, and then, if they can’t achieve the structural stability I need to keep my face from collapsing, replace the titanium mesh. If they can forego the mesh, which would be my personal preference at this point, I will eventually look less like a Klingon and more like a fat old man.

Fingers crossed.

If you found this post amusing, edifying, or just gross enough to be entertaining on the basest level, please consider sharing it with your friends by clicking on one or all of the social media buttons below. You’ll help me grow my audience – maybe one day to the point where I can buy my friends rather than having to attract them with my fading wit or my rapidly declining good looks. Thanks for your support.

 

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